When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize