morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
