Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
