Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
