Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize