After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
