Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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