Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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