Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
