I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
