Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
