so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
