i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
