i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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