we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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