Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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