You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
