I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
