uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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