When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
