I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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