cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
