I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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