Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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