You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
