she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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