Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
