i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
babies were throwing up all over the place
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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