just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
