my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
