Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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