Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
