I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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