it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
