I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
