I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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