I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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