Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What a dumb baby whore.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
