its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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