I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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