I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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