i just had sex bonerless
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
