you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
