Whod you bang
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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