do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
