Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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