you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
