Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
