ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
