haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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