Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
