I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
