how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
