the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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