so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize