dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
id be glad to
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
