This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
