By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
