so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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