So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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