he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
