i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
