he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
