I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize