Duck Duck Cougar?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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