i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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