I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
