My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
