if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
