I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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