we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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