I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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