So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize