I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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