nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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