xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
